Please Evict George…©2016

By Dee-Dee Diamond

George has his own room with a dynamic East River view. He lives on the tony Upper East Side of Manhattan in a luxury high rise.

This freeloader gets his strict dietary meals served by my beautiful, single daughter Daisy. It is lucky because I can’t look at him or will I feed him. I find it nauseating how lovingly Daisy talks to him, as she cleans his living quarters. He literally shits where he eats …how gross!

This lout basks in the sunny room all day, doing his thing and living on the dole. All this character cares about being early to get the worm.

Sometimes he shows his “real” colors. It is then that his demeanor changes. If he gets angry, he will spit fire from his dragon-like mouth, if only he could.

He lets us know he “wants to be alone”.

George is an adoptee. We don’t know his family, but they must be proud yet green with envy at his lifestyle. I will not allow any family visits… surely this apple didn’t fall far from the tree.

Why am I forced to allow this George character to dwell, and so regally in my exclusive apartment? Why should I not let him be homeless?

It is because George is a pet chameleon, secretly bought and smuggled into my guest bedroom (by my visiting grandson), Harrison.

Harrison has since left New York and returned home in another state. The airline would not allow him to take his pet, George on the plane.

So, George now lives, eats and shits in the guest room and I can’t find him a new home. Obviously, I cannot let pampered George loose on the cold mean streets of New York City. I’m not a murderer!

Thus, daily George continues get a live blue worm, fresh water and cleaning service. HELP he’s growing larger and scarier for me.

” Take George “He must go….