Neiman Marcus Says “Hello” to Bal Harbor 1980 © 2015.

… Calvin Klein, you disappointed me…

The Neiman-Marcus Store was having its grand opening in the “oh so posh” Bal Harbor Mall, in Miami Beach. 😎

They were “the fashion leader store”, that other stores’ buyers would shop, then follow.

With this store opening, they were expanding to a new part of the country, from Dallas. Our company’s collection had been allotted his own section on their exclusive designer floor.

WOW! 🤑

The store expected lots of customers, both local & tourists…as this mall was located across from the Diplomat Hotel, on the world-famous beach.

It was the height of the winter season…in this balmy resort renown playground, too.

I, a NY showroom salesperson, was sent at the last minute, to introduce our line. I had never had to present our collection’s significance to an audience …or to such a prominent retail chain customer.

The designer was to do this important opening, but alas… he came down with a horrendous flu. 🤒😷🤮

I was sent reluctantly, to represent the collection, which in the early 80’s was a new clothing category.

It was menswear-tailored attire for the new professional woman. This was a first for America, as a flood of college educated women were hitting the marketplace. Lawyers, Doctors, Financial Brokers, CPAs, etc. they required a code of dress to be taken seriously. This included wardrobe building techniques.

I was put up in a lavish suite in The Diplomat Hotel, which was actually reserved for “the designer”.

I keep going over and over the stiff, boring monologue that I was to deliver but it was so dull, I kept falling asleep…myself. 😴😪

“Woe was me”! 🤔

In my desperate state of anxiety, I phoned to my friend Jessie, who lived nearby in town.

“Please, please come to the opening…I need support”, I whined.

She agreed to come.

Next morning, I was at the store at 7:45 a.m.…. entering thru the rear service door, as instructed.

By 8 o’clock, the sales staff and the department heads, were amassed with coffee in hand, to hear my spiel.

All were cordial, eager to admire the clothes…all the while excited about the grand opening. It went well as it these were just salespeople like me.

I caught the festive mood & enjoyed the comradery…we now shared.

The sales meeting finished about 35 minutes later, and I took a sigh of relief, while the song, 🎵“Is That All There Is”? 🎵 played in head.

To think I was so frightened, I chuckled to myself. 😅

Jessie arrived soon after, and while we caught up, we watched a crew set-up a carpeted dais, microphone, speakers and stage lights. The entire floor soon was covered with rows of white folding chairs. The store was opening at 9:30.

So, since the Calvin Klein boutique was hung next our collection, I guessed it would be for his fashion show. My friend & I were thrilled!

“Who is this staging for”, I asked the handyman, “Calvin Klein is he here… himself”?

“No this is all being for you”! 👀

“W-hat…me”? 🙄

It was then I saw the easels announcing, “The Working Woman Seminar, here from New York Showroom, exclusively for Neiman-Marcus”.

Huh? I went into a cold sweat. 😨

Remember I entered by the service entrance, I had not seen the prominent display in the front windows announcing this…nor did I see the announcements, in the local newspapers.

Standing at center stage, with the mike on full amp, I look out at the crowded-to-standing room full of women. It was then I spotted a man seated in the center of the audience, with 3 cameras hung around his neck.

Oh no the press is here, too. 😮

I start my monologue, tried to my best to seem confident, but every other sentence I get another mature matrons’ raised hand feverously to ask me a silly question. They were behaving as eager students in a classroom and I’m their teacher. 🙄

“One of my shoulders is larger than the other, what kinda of jacket do you suggest"? shouted a lady about 80. (Obviously she was well passed a career building stage). 👵

“My hips are at least 2 sizes bigger than my top. What kinda of suit should I wear for my interview”? questioned another “golden girl” of the same vintage.

“Can I carry a 3/4 jacketed length pantsuit if I’m 4'11"? 🧓

“DUH?

One after another they threw these queries at me…my head was spinning! 🙄

What was going on?

I thought I was going mad when I thought I heard someone scream, “Cheese”.

This echoed thru the audience…the crowd was on its feet…yelling, “Cheese, you promised us cheese…cheese…wine…cheese”.

Obviously, these elderly women were not interested in any pricey tailored clothing, nor in my suggestions, for their physical abnormalities.

👩‍🦳👵👱‍♀️🧓👵🧓👩‍🦳👵

The Neiman Marcus mob read or heard the spiel & spread the word…

Free cheese & wine at the new fancy Neiman Marcus department store. Thus, they boarded buses, & stormed “my "seminar for the freebies…but I couldn’t imagine what was going on with this “unsuitable " (I can’t resist the pun), throng.

…I’m now rudely ignored on the stage, then I watch formally attired waiters, complete in white gloves, rolling in a damask clothed long table. The waiters placed it in the rear of this floor.

It held a huge carafe of white wine, artistic set in a large silver bowl…with crackers & chunks of cheese piled artistically, in graduated-sized plateaus.

The wine was eventually planned to be emptied into smaller carafes for serving. White orchids in tall glass vases graced the elegant table.

Frozen, I witnessed the mob spot the catered buffet…they stormed the table as a free for all…knocking over the giant wine carafe…dumping it into the cheese pyramid, balanced on the base of crackers…turning the whole thing into wet slop. What a fiasco!

No food, nor drink…the now deserting herd rushed out the doors!

When I recovered from what happened…Jessica & I, almost wet our pants…we laughed so hard.

…This is not the end of this Neiman’s saga, the man with the 3 cameras approaches me, with a woman at his side.

“W-who are you…what publications do you work for”? I stammered.

“Seeing you with all your cameras, intimidated me no end”!

“Me”?

He laughed out loud pointing to his chest amazed. 😮

“I’m a professor at Tufts University. My wife and I are on vacation. 🌴 We are staying at the diplomat across the street. She wants to shop, so when I see the store signs for a seminar, I take a seat to allow her to shop, gratefully untethered to me… being a professor, I’m interested in seminars”.

Then he began slapping his thighs in uncontrollable laughter. 😂

“The cheese & wine scene…was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen, plus your face’s shocked expression, as it was happening…hilarious. What a show”! 🤣

Never-the-less, he was impressed with my presentation & bought his wife a generous of wardrobe… of our clothing. 😁