Lucille the Lump © 2015

Why dine alone when you can feel like you’re alone…rent “the Lump”.

She fills a seat at a table…hard to get if you’re just one, for a Manhattan restaurant on a weekend night.

I call her’ The Lump’, & not “Lumpy”, because then you ‘might’ think there was something cute about her.

There is NOT!

Lucille is large, broad and hefty like a small industrial building.

Here she comes to meet me, in her extra puffy white down coat.

It is too tight on her…an unflattering choice…sitting on her frizzy white head is a wee black Fedora.

Lucille’s too skinny legs are covered in black leotards ending in black pointy elf-like boots.

A long red wool scarf is knotted at her short neck. It blows gracefully in the wintery wind.

Truly she resembles a hobbling snowman, as she leans on her “C-Shaped Black Cane”.

As I air-kiss her “Hello”, I check to make sure she has remembered to wear her hearing aids. I am not planning to shout throughout dinner.

Personality-wise Lucille is blank & boring. She merely a seat-filler at our restaurant table, for two. She is like the non-descript chair & she are one… neither is attractive, or able to carry on conversation.

Many is the time I wished I had an electric probe to use on her, to see if she if she can make small talk or heaven forbid… laugh.

However, I know Lucille is alive, by the way she devours her pasta with such gusto with annoying lip-smacking…and burp finale.

* After reading this story…I think it sounds nasty.

It is NOT intended to be that… she was always available… thus served my empty chair need!

I never mentioned how mean and negative a “Lump” she was…

She has since moved to Florida, to spread her “Tush” around!