Love? Thy Neighbor ©2019

by Dee-Dee Diamond

When they divorced, Jayne & Harold, remained physically close…literally! Their apartment doors abetted one another…after all it had been one unit, originally.

Jayne’s 1-bedroom apartment was once a part of the 3-bedroom apartment before was surgically carved, from what was then, Mr. & Mrs. Harold Blooms’ spacious living quarters.

But Jayne and her now ex-Harold Bloom, stubbornly stood their parqueted floor, (ground). Neither would move out, completely.

So, they chopped off a section that became Jaynes apartment.

When Harold re-married some years later, he stubbornly kept the prized rent-stabilized space’s lease that he had signed years earlier.

After much battling, the exes came to this bizarre set-up…

All would stay put!

The former Mrs. Bloom had her maiden name Jayne Kilpatrick legally restored. This helped our confused mailman, Ralphie, sort their mail.

Ms. Kilpatrick’s present bachelorette pad is a sharp thorn in the present Mrs. Blooms’ butt. This is especially annoying since new Mrs. Bloom has blossomed with a baby named Buddy Bloom.

Did you ever hear of such a solution after a bitter divorce?

This arrangement is still in force even though they do not speak, nor acknowledge the discomfort, we their neighbors on the 22nd floor, endure because we cannot comprehend their sick obsession.

Jayne the former Bloom, freely flaunts her match.com one-night stands in her place, slamming her door loudly, when a beau enters, then departs, in the wee hours of the morning.

Baby Buddy Bloom awakens Papa and Mama Bloom…screeching at each slam.

The almost co-habiting Blooms stretches the importance of keeping a New York City rent-stabilized apartment to the extreme, wouldn’t you agree?