“Cathy the Chutzpah Queen” ©2016

By Dee-Dee Diamond

It was a balmy Saturday night in Manhattan. I had… “ants in my pants”. I couldn’t stand to stay in my lonely apartment.

In desperation…I called” Cathy the Chutzpah Queen”. I dugout my “Don’t call unless… I had to” … list.

Some mishap or argument would always happen whilst in her company.

Being in an agitated state of mind to begin with, I should have taken a sleeping pill and woken up to Sunday morning. But against my vow never to be in Cathy’s company, I let my fear of another Saturday night watching T.V. “Solo”, overrule my decision.

Of course, even it though I called her the last minute, she was available.

We made up to meet in a neighborhood pizza/ pasta restaurant.

I have eaten in this third-generation, family-owned place, for the last 10 years, thus they know me very well.

We are seated immediately, at a window table, an establishment favorite.

The glasses of wine appear promptly with a warm bread basket.

I’m feeling much better now.

Our waiter takes the order for my individual small pizza with mushrooms. Cathy chooses “an APPETIZER” of mussels’ marinara.

He also re-fills our wine glasses.

The beautiful food is put on our table. As soon as the waiter turns his back, Cathy plops a baggie full of cooked spaghetti, onto her plate of mussels. This was a planned addition to her meal. Immediately she covers “HER” pile of spaghetti, with the mussels in marinara sauce.

I am in a state of disbelief as I watch this brazen act. I NEVER!

“Oh, this is vegan pasta I use to round out my meals. when I dine out”, Cathy whispers at me.

She chuckles mischievously as she wolfs down her NOW ample mound of mussels’ marina over spaghetti plate.

What could I do?

A few minutes later, I thought I would die, as the waiter returns and lets her have it!

“We do not allow customers to bring in their own food to eat in here… Miss”!

Unshaken Cathy retorts defiantly, “I have allergies to your kinds of pasta”, so I bring my own”!

“Lady… WE are responsible if someone eats in here and gets sick”, He explains with annoyance then walks away to take care of his other tables.

Cathy is fuming she is so self- righteous… like the restaurant was wrong. She calls for the manager and then the owner, blaming the waiter for her unnecessary embarrassment.

Cathy didn’t stop complaining about the poor waiter… who was only the messenger, for the management…and 100% right.

She threatened while wagging her finger, “We” will NEVER to come to this place, again”!

No doubt to shut her up…they offered to send us dessert… on the house.

I was mortified and graciously refused before Cathy would have accepted the truce gift.

After this episode, I scratched “Cathy the Chutzpah Queen” onto “Even if I’m suicidal do not call list”!