Careful What You Kvetch About…
Too many decisions, too many choices and so I… kvetched. (Whined/complained).
“Boy Oh Boy” … Those good old days”!
…I wish things were like they were…sigh 🙄…
The 1st Tuesday of each month a slew of us older folks would flood my local Duane Reade.
👀We were relishing our 20% discount day. 👀
🧓🧓🧓🧓🧓🧓🧓🧓🧓👴👴👴👵👵👵👵👵👵👨🦳👨🦳👨🦳👨🦳👨🦳
We were an army, probably of WW2 vintage mostly, marching to buy…buy… buy. 💲💲💲
Perched on my nose reading glasses, as I rushed to capture an empty cart, ready to confidently roll to hit my targets.
Clasped in my fist, my prepared hand scribbled list. Here goes:
(1) Buy toothpaste.
I go to oral care, or “must save whatever teeth you have left” … aisle. 😁😁
I can choose from some with fluoride, whiteners, breathe freshener, for sensitive gums, or organic, (for fanatics). Then opt for it in a paste, gel, tube or press plastic container.
I scan the variety to read each label…bewildered. 💫💫
(Don’t ask… same crap & flavors for mouthwash).
(2) Bandages 🛒👩⚕️👨⚕️🤕
First-aid aisle, simple enough? I proceed to “Boo-Boo” treating section.
A half dozen brands in specific Band-Aid sizes, or assorted, with or without medication, waterproof, or not, flexible, or not, nude, translucent, or cartoon printed…or generic store label.
(3) Toilet paper or… “Tush Wiping” Aids:
Strong or soft, 1- ply or double -ply, economy pack or single roll, 4, 6, 8,12,24 roll packages. I can’t figure which comes out cheaper or I which could manage get home.
(4) Shampoo, Conditioner, & Hair Spray
🛒🦼🦽
I roll into the maize of the “Hair Care Aisle” or to keep what is still sprouting from my dome.
Here I encounter a cornucopia🥗🍜 of brands.
They are for a shining mane, fine thin, brittle dry, with snowy dandruff repair, or too oily tresses special types.
Choices also hover over mousses, conditioners, don’t forget the must have hair sprays… from gentle, to industrial strength holds.
(5) Deodorants 😮
Off to “Anti- B.O.” section. 🛒
They are by themselves a monumental task.
For ladies, men’s, fragrance-free or unscented, gel, dry or spray. (of course, multiple brands, & categories) … in each.
Imagine such a small body area like armpits…requires its own product filled shelves and is sexually definitive.
Give me a break!
(6) Moisturizer & Cleanser
I wheel my cart to Facial Care Aisle or “Stop those Wrinkles…Now”!
Here we go…for dry skin, oily, normal, aged or teenage pimply epidermis.
There’s one for eye area, crow’s feet, turkey neck, & age-spots specialties. With retinal, oil-free…aloe, exotic herbs. American or foreign named brands, galore & copies. 🧐🦃
(7) Laxatives 😩😬
I timidly go “Shit Promoting Aisle…” excuse me Regularity Aisle.”
Now… by mouth, up the tush, stir in fiber powders, orange flavored, or “plain just lousy tasting”. It asks me what’s “my Roto-Rooter” of preference? LOL!
The aisle also carries hemorrhoids’ creams, suppositories, and wipes, to cool down the destressed asshole. ⭕ Ouch!
(8) Cough Medicine👩⚕️😝🤧🤧🤧
Cough relief aisle or Fuck I got the sniffles.
Here eons of syrups, cough drops, lozenges, pills, medicinal drinks, fizzled or not.
Do you want honey, cherry, orange, ginger or menthol, Eck!
😣😰😱😳😵🥴
Decongestion, ease sore throat, runny nose, fever…headache or combos.
Vicks Vapor Rub which mama schmeared on my chest, back and up my nose.
(9) Detergent
I schlepped to laundry section that held well-advertised brands, with new or improved formulation, having multiple scents, with bleach or not, softeners.
Choose in powders, liquids, or convenient pouches… again in sizes.
I’d see other older folk lost like me, lingering in the aisles, trying to make so many decisions, kvetching, and sweating. 😱😷😷😷🤒
Hello…
Covid punched us in the gut🎆🎆🎆…shortages, masks and buried indoors… were we elders, especially.
When we finally got to Duane Reade 2 years later…each and every item is individually locked & bolted down. 💫
One must ring a bell, then wait to get an attendant…to even touch anything…to dream about buying smallest product.
HELLO:
Amazon to our rescue!!!
✨🎉🎈🎈🎆
